My first shakey steps as an entrepreneur

My life today is nothing like it was pre-covid. Up until the changes in March 2020 I was insanely busy with several different jobs and generally music projects pretty much constantly. However, 2020 provided me with the headspace to sort out some things that I’ve wanted to sort out for literally years. I’ve wanted to create a brand – something that would allow me to be creative and independent and basically do all the things I love doing but with the potential for earning some money.

I have studied for years, (years and years and years!!) in academe, first doing a bachelor’s, then master’s, and finally a Ph.D. all in music. I did those qualifications purely because I love studying and I love music so much, but I have never actively pursued a career in academe. It’s only this past year, at the age of 40, that I’ve finally felt clear-enough to attempt to start carving a path in a direction that has been burning inside me all along.

…I have an intense need to create.

To carve my own way on my own terms, and for me, that path needs to be realised through my passions: I want to paint, write (words), take photographs, write (music), perform and record music and make videos. I have always wanted to have an outlet to express myself, my truths, and my fascination with nature, magic, and the unconscious.

I’ve always been inspired by nature in all its forms and am incredibly happy when out in the wilderness or when creating something artistic relating to nature. I’m really looking forward to writing blogs about my adventures in nature, both on foot and also in Boris the campervan, and also making videos for youtube about it all. 

So how did I join the dots between writing music and painting to making shoes and swimming costumes!? Good question! I started to create my website with a view to express myself in all the ways I desire and also in order to have an online shop for selling prints of my art and photography. But I quickly discovered that it is quite easy to extend beyond wall prints to shoes, and tried out a few mockups putting my artwork onto shoes and costumes, and really liked the results:

I am an avid wild swimmer so the idea of designing swimming costumes and bikinis was born from that passion. I tried putting my artwork onto other objects as well, some worked, some didn’t, but basically, I decided that I like sticking my artwork onto objects, so maybe other people will like them too! It all felt right.

It feels like I am selling my artwork but in a different form – there is still a feeling of something from my inner being going out into the world and being received and appreciated and it feels like there is a more personal connection if people are actually putting my artwork onto their bodies!

There is something else here for me though, to do with me creating clothes – things to put on the body. My body has had a hard time over the years, so designing things that come from my creativity, a part of my psyche that flows healthily, to be worn on my body, which my psyche has a very unhealthy attitude towards, has actually been very healing, but I have quite a bit to say about this so I will save it for a separate post.

Previously I’ve created two other wordpress.com sites for my string quartet, and a theatre company I created with some friends but this is my first wordpress.org site, and it has been a steep learning curve, working out how to create an automated shop and all the faff involved in that, but I did it! And I feel very pleased that I pushed myself and got it done and have learned a lot in the process. I think one of the main things I have learned is to not freak out or get totally overwhelmed by things that I don’t know how to do, just to keep searching until I find a solution.

Something that has really clicked into place over the last few months, in a way like never before, is the fact that no one else is going to save me. No one is going to hold my hand and show me exactly what to do in order to create the exact life that I dream of. I have to knuckle down, get on with it, examine any limiting beliefs, and learn through trial and error myself. People will and have already helped me a lot, especially my wonderful boyfriend, Meilyr – thankyou very very much Meilyr!! But basically, I realise that the grafting and discipline have to come from me.

I know I am going to run into a tonne of stumbling blocks along the way, but I am learning resilience, which I figure is probably the most important thing for me to learn – creating a capacity for patience when things go wrong and developing the tenacity to just to keeping going, even though the only one setting the goals and deadlines is me.

Teal Swan says that “the pain that you will say yes to, and the struggle that you choose to step into with your own free will is what will define your success in life” and right now I really get what she means. That quote is highly relevant. I choose this challenge with my own free will. I have already encountered loads of issues setting up my site, but I choose this path.

Something else that has clicked for me this past 4 months (since I started setting up the website), is to do with living one’s dream life.

I have some things that I really want to achieve in this lifetime… I will admit what they are… I want to own my own home in a wood next to a river where I can swim every morning, and have lots of rescue ferrets (and I mean loads of them). There. I said it. 😂  But the main thing I want the most is to do with the way I want to feel most of the time. I want to feel really good and be doing creative things and collaborative art and music things and exciting things every day. I want to feel that my energy is flowing healthily and freely and that I am living life to my full potential. I want to give everything that I have in me to give and to feel that I am constantly moving forwards.

I listen to Seth Godin on youtube quite a bit, who recently wrote a book titled “The Practice”. I haven’t read the book (I will do but I am in the middle of another book currently), however, I have listened to him talk a lot about the contents of the book, and one of the things he talks about the practice being is the importance of just doing it, just doing whatever it is that you love, just making sure you send that thing out into the world and you keep doing it like any other practice (meditation or exercise for example).

Interestingly, since starting to set up the website last October, I have felt really good very often already (in and amongst feeling angry and upset about the virus and lockdowns); I have felt like I am really doing something that feels very much in alignment with the thing that is burning inside me. I often feel the way that I want to feel in my ideal reality. Does that mean that I have already achieved my dream life, apart from the wood, river, and house bit? (I do already have one ferret called Agnes). Can we achieve our dreams instantaneously? Quite possibly.

So here goes. My first blog post. This is so exciting!!!!! Arrrgghhh!!!